Stages of Change

To follow up what I was discussing in the last post ... we talked about the Stages of Change in class yesterday. Here's to preparation.

Back in it ... again?

These last few weeks have been extremely stressful for me. Phoenix has been BOOMING (yes that deserved all caps.) Even though I'm taking an Integrative Mental Health course this semester, I've been struggling with practicing mindfulness and taking care of me. This has been the most frustrating and scattered semester. Between a demanding professor, a class that should be interesting (but isn't), clients, home life, and WORK - food has become my source of stress relief. *sigh*

I struggle with fall and winter, because it means fantastic social food options. It means there's lots of excuses for eating. We have my friend's fantastic Halloween food extravaganza, my birthday, anniversary, Thanksgiving, CHRISTMASSSSS (which is like two months long at least.) Every where I turn, I don't have to be manipulative about eating - people just want to eat.

The problem is - I love cooking. I love baking. When I'm stressed, the ritual of making food is just as rewarding as the eating. Last night I made pasta for dinner, chili to put in the crock-pot today, Elvis Muffins - (banana and peanut butter chip) for Philip's work, and a fluffy pie. The good news is that most of what I made was not THAT bad. The fluffy pie is 217 calories a slice, the Elvis Muffins were around 250. The chili will 345 for a large bowl. I guess the trick is, if I'm making something for someone else, really let it be for them ,.. not me too. And if I need to cook to get rid of this tension in my shoulders (which I'm now considering is some kind of deformity that is going to stick around forever) I need to be accountable for what I'm eating.

Monday I started back on myfitnesspal. I've got to start taking care of me again and recognize that I use food as a way of dealing with stress. I refuse to get comfortable with my size 14 jeans again and need to start revving up for the size 10.

Thanks for listening.

Back in it...

This summer I didn't take any classes at UWG, which meant I didn't have immediate access to the gym. I struggled a lot this summer with not counting calories on the weekends and sometimes not counting calories throughout the week. Before the summer ended, I got down to a comfortable 174.4 lbs. I think I did get down to 172 at one point, but on average sat around 174.

Before I started actively trying to lose weight, I really wanted to just cut my calories and not work out very much. Working out was not enjoyable and I thought I could stick to 1200 calories a day and be a happy camper. When I started working out in the Spring I found that I really enjoyed it and it made my eating habits better. Not to mention working out meant I NEEDED to eat more (within reason.)

Friday was my first day back at the gym and I felt relieved. As the summer ends I am starting at around 176 to 178 lbs. I'm thankful I didn't gain all my weight back, but feel as though the summer was a missed opportunity to really shed some weight. I'll be back at the gym today and my food an exercise calories has me at a only 900 calories net for the day. That means I get 300 calories free to keep me at a healthy 1200 calories (editors note below.) Who knew exercise really was important.

Here's to hoping the journey continues and this fall means shedding another 20 - 30 lbs.

*Disclaimer - 1200 calories is the basic number of calories your body must have to function on a normal day. When you work out you're burning those calories you've accumulated throughout the day. For example - if you work out and burn 500 calories, and you've eaten 1700 - your NET for the day is 1200. When you come to the end of your calorie log for the day and find you're below 1200 calories try to eat something to hit 1200 calories net for the day. This will help your metabolism stay consistent and lessen your body's natural inclination to go into starvation mode.

Falling off and on again

So these last few weeks have been a little crazy. With work and finishing the semester and all kinds of life changes my weightloss has been unstable. I've made peanut butter ice cream, I've had weekends of not doing so well. On top of all of that I've decided to not take classes for the summer. This means no weekly access to the gym. Ugh.

This holiday weekend wasn't terrible. I had one bad day and several good ones. I counted calories well, and I've now logged into myfitnesspal for 150+ days. The desire is still there to lose weight and be thinner than I've ever been. I weighed myself and I'm back down to my lowest .. 174lbs. I have 5 more pounds to go and I will have reached my halfway point.

I can do this.

Now I know my A, B, C's

Good Morning all -

No weight-loss to report today. I won't be recording my weight until Friday morning. This morning I just wanted to touch base with you and discuss a few things I've learned so far. I will also leave you with a new AWESOME recipe.

1. Don't drink your calories.

• Philip and I were at the grocery store just yesterday and we saw a fruit drink that we thought looked tasty (grape and something else) and upon further inspection realized it was loaded with calories and sugar. Just wasn't worth the caloric investment, so we left it alone. We find ourselves drinking diet drinks or 0 calorie water based drinks.

2. Record everything.

• I've said this before, but holding myself accountable and not lying to myself has helped. If it doesn't fit my goal for the day - I don't do it. Myfitnesspal people!

3. If the scale pisses you off, try on a pair of jeans that used to be tight.

• During my plateau a couple of weeks ago, the scale just wouldn't budge but I noticed my pants were getting baggier.

4. Don't (completely) rely on others for recognition.

• I love my husband, and I am very lucky to have a very emotionally invested guy for a partner. But he's also very honest and not secretive. The first couple of weeks I lost weight I wanted sooooo badly for him to say something, but he just didn't notice. It drove my crazy, but he wasn't going to tell me that I lost weight just to make me happy. This actually turned out to be a good thing, because when I wear something new and he notices that I've lost weight he's the first to say something. And when he does, I know he's being honest and has really noticed a difference.

5. Still eat your favorite foods- just eat smarter. Which brings me to this story ...

Last night we had stuffed pasta. Buitoni. It's a little under 500 calories for a large portion of 1 1/4 cups. I wanted something to go with it, and asked Philip if he liked the Red Lobster Garlic rolls. I got a "meh." You see - Philip doesn't care much for sharp cheddar, and he can avoid foods all together just because of a taste he doesn't care for. For that reason I suggested adapting them to his tastes by using Mozzarella instead. This was actually helpful, because there are some mozzarellas you can find that are part-skim which cuts 20 calories off each serving. Thanks to google I found a recipe I could adapt to make more low-cal. They turned out great:

The end up being 143 calories a piece. That's using the recipe to make 13.

Ingredients:

2 1/2 c. Heart Smart Bisquick

3/4 c. 1 % milk

6 tbls. cold light butter

3/4 tsp. garlic bowder

1 c. part-skim mozzarella (shredded)

Pinch of Salt

1/4 tsp. dried parsley

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400

2. In a bowl combine Bisquick and 4 tbls of cold butter. Combine these with a pastry cutter, large fork, or two knives. You'll end up with pea size pieces of butter throughout the bisquick. Add milk, cheese, and 1/4 tsp of garlic powder.

3. Mix by hand (preferably using your hand, it's much easier.) Drop on an un-greased baking sheet and bake for 15 - 17 mins.

4. In a small bowl (you can use your microwave) melt 2 tbls of butter. Add 1/2 tsp of garlic powder and brush on top of biscuits. Sprinkle with parsley.

Enjoy!

Elephants

So ... I am hoping this last weigh in means the plateu is over for a while. 2.2 lbs in a week in a half. I'll take it. That brings my total to ....

That's just 7 pounds from my halfway point. How cool! Well I've had a hard time deciding what my reward would be for my halfway point, but I finally made a decision. As some of you may know I have a strange love for elephants. This developed for many different reasons:

My step-father who passed a few years ago now was a huge Bama fan. I grew up knowing Auburn was the enemy. What does Auburn stand for? Alabama Usually Beats Us Round November. What are the three rules a man should live by? Never burn the flag, never betray your country, and never wear anything with Auburn on it. Yep - That was my Poppa. (Editor's Note - if anyone is interested in why Bama is referred to as the Crimson Tide - check it out. http://bryantmuseum.ua.edu/direction.cfm?dir=traditions1). When Poppa died my husband and I bought a little ceramic sleeping Bama Elephant that stays with his ashes now. And that my friends is my first real connection to Elephants.

RAMMER JAMMER YELLOW HAMMER, GIVE 'EM HELL ALABAMA!

So next - while I'm not a very religious person, I am very spiritual. Most probably tolerate my constant reference to the "uncarved block" when things get screwy in life. I have a tattoo that constantly connects me to my baptist roots. I really think the Rosicrucians are really neat people and my limited knowledge of them helps strengthen my idea that they've really got it together. This leads me to the Hindu elephant story...

The Blind Men and the Elephant

It was six men of Indostan

To learning much inclined,

Who went to see the Elephant

(Though all of them were blind),

That each by observation

Might satisfy his mind

The First approached the Elephant,

And happening to fall

Against his broad and sturdy side,

At once began to bawl:

God bless me! but the Elephant

Is very like a wall!

The Second, feeling of the tusk,

Cried, Ho! what have we here

So very round and smooth and sharp?

To me tis mighty clear

This wonder of an Elephant

Is very like a spear!

The Third approached the animal,

And happening to take

The squirming trunk within his hands,

Thus boldly up and spake:

I see, quoth he, the Elephant

Is very like a snake!

The Fourth reached out an eager hand,

And felt about the knee.

What most this wondrous beast is like

Is mighty plain, quoth he;

'Tis clear enough the Elephant

Is very like a tree!

The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,

Said: Even the blindest man

Can tell what this resembles most;

Deny the fact who can

This marvel of an Elephant

Is very like a fan!?

The Sixth no sooner had begun

About the beast to grope,

Than, seizing on the swinging tail

That fell within his scope,

I see, quoth he, the Elephant

Is very like a rope!

And so these men of Indostan

Disputed loud and long,

Each in his own opinion

Exceeding stiff and strong,

Though each was partly in the right,

And all were in the wrong!

Moral:

So oft in theologic wars,

The disputants, I ween,

Rail on in utter ignorance

Of what each other mean,

And prate about an Elephant

Not one of them has seen!

-- John Godfrey Saxe

The story is often connected to how we all perceive God. However you come to God is your own journey ... however you perceive your elephant is your own.

And lastly (who knew this would be such a long post).. for one of my recent classes I read a book called "Zoo Story." It's a good book about the struggle in developing a firm opinion for or against zoos. The story begins, unexpectedly, with a description of the culls in Africa which are done as a way of maintaining other animal habitats. Apparently on one of the preservation sites for African wildlife - the elephants have overrun the land and started killing off other species. On occasion, some of the elephants are guided by helicopters away from their heard and shot. The description is heartbreaking. I sobbed, and still cry, reading it. But I won't go into the details here.. the point of the story is Elephants are really really smart. They are also very social and love one another. They also mourn their dead in a showing of kindness that I think we could learn from. In the book they talk about how the bodies of the dead elephants are often too heavy and too large to burry immediately. So they often keep the bodies in a constructed shed. One day after a cull a group of elephants had destroyed the shed to get to their deceased and buried them.

So the Elephant for me is connected to a loved one, teaches me patience with others, and reminds me to love. For that reason my halfway reward will be a new dogeared necklace.

Be an elephant today.

Keep on Keepin' On

Hello All

Well it's been a while since my last update, and there is a reason for that. I think to say I'm in a transitional point in my life would be an understatement. My job is changing directions, and I'm trying to keep up with all the changes!

With that being said, the last couple of weeks my weight has fluctuated between 179 and 182. I have maintained my connection to my fitness pal, but I haven't been as diligent as I need to be. So..

Challenges:

- I've felt too busy to watch my diet closely

- I haven't been to the gym in a while and I've instead been walking which is a lower calorie burn

- I can't seem to get the scale to dip below 179

Strengths

- Today I get to go to the gym with my hubby! Elliptical here I come!

- Though I haven't noticed any significant weight loss, I've noticed inches disappearing. I can finally wear my Old Navy size 12 jeans! w00t!

- I've gotten more compliments about my weight loss lately, so it seems as though people are noticing.

Moving forward:

- Get back on track with logging everything I eat

- Fit into those size 12 Madewell jeans comfortably

- Buy a pair of size 10 jeans

- Make it comfortably to 175.

Here we go!

So close!

Weighed in today, and still had that fleeting fear of "what if this is still just a big sham? What if I'm not really losing weight?"

Well today ... 2 pounds lost. Woohoo!

That's almost 20 lbs. Geeeze. That's crazy. So my next mini-goal is to wear a size 12 comfortably, and my 3rd goal is to be at my halfway point 169.5 lbs (a loss of 33.5).

Crazy!

The Start of the race...

Last week I didn't post my weight-loss results, because they weren't anything to shout about. I didn't gain any, but I lost just .2 pounds. It was a little discouraging. I still live in this land of uncertainty where I'm not exactly trusting that I'm losing weight. It's somehow a fluke. The self-doubt says I'll hit 185 and that's where I'll stay. It's just not in the cards for me to go beyond that number.

Well this morning, I hopped on the scale ... and...

That's a 3 lb weight-loss ladies and gents. THAT IS A QUARTER OF MY WEIGHT-LOSS GOAL! I'm now at 185.8. Which means, this is where the journey really gets going. For the last 3 years or more, I have not dipped lower than the 185 mark. I'm dying to make it there, and I know I can. First mini goal.... make it to 175. That would be awesome.

Valentine's Day

So how does one prepare for a meal of cheesecake and burgers? Working out and planning ahead.

Philip and I are going to Cheesecake Factory to celebrate Valentine's Day. I've already looked up the calories of my meal, to the best of my ability ... Let me tell you Cheesecake Factory doesn't really want you to know where all these calories are coming from so it was a challenge. I had already given myself permission to indulge on certain days... Valentine's Day, Philip's Bday.. etc., but to do so in a responsible way.

Philip and I got up this morning and went to the track, where I attempted to run a mile. Let's just say there was lots of tears and dry-heaving, but I managed to complete the mile in 21 mins. That's with walking a lot and stopping at one point. I think I was pretty frustrated that this just didn't happen like I wanted it to.

We're eating small things for breakfast, nutrigrain bars and kellogg's cereal bars, saving up all our calories for dinner. Hopefully this won't interrupt my weightloss too much, and I've done all I can to prepare for a guilt-less dinner.

Last tip... share dessert. Wish me luck!

And the results are...

O Pounds.

The silver lining ...

Okay probably TMI, but it's that time of my cycle. I didn't think about this before I weighed in, but according to some articles I've read you can gain anywhere from 2 to 4 pounds during that week. So I suppose me not gaining any is a good sign.

Other successes so far in my journey:

1. I feel pretty awesome. I'm not constantly out of breath walking to class.
2. I had to buy smaller jeans this weekend (victory!)
3. My resting heart rate is now at 80 bpm, which is at the top of the healthy range.
4. My blood pressure is steadily going down. On the first reading it's always a little high sitting at 140ish/80, and on second readings it can go as low as 120/70.
5. I haven't ONCE gone over my calories in the last 35+ days.
6. I've consistently worked out at least 3 times a week, and I like it. How about them apples?
7. I have tools now in understanding my body that I didn't have before.

While this morning wasn't a great weigh-in, it could have been worse. I don't ever feel guilty stepping on the scale, because I'm practicing honesty with myself every single day. Next week, I hope, will be better, and I'll see the scale start to move again. If it doesn't, I'll keep plugging along.

Pow!

Weight loss this week 5.8 pounds.

What's that?

Raspberry Mini Ice Cream Sandwiches... ....

What you'll need: (5 servings)

• 4 tbls Lite Cool Whip
• 20 fresh raspberries mashed
• Chocolate Graham Crackers

Mash raspberries, combine with cool whip, make yummy sandwiches, and freeze.

Enjoy at 44 calories per serving (2 small graham cracker squares for one sandwich).

And the winner goes to....

1.6 lbs lost this week.

Nice Surprise

It's nice when you've forgotten you've ordered something.

Several weeks ago, I just so happened to catch an episode of the Dr. Oz show (which to be honest, I don't watch all that much since I'm not home when it's on) in which he talked about the health benefits of losing just 10 pounds. I was right at that light-bulb moment where I could have gone either way with my weight loss. I could have decided to love my overweight (really obese) self, or go the other direction and start making a change. As part of the Just 10 movement he offered a bracelet (curtosy of Zappos) to anyone wanting to make a life change. It came today. I had totally forgotten about it.


The card reads, "We've created this bracelet to give you something tangible to wear that reminds you daily that you are worth it. This bracelet lets everyone else in your life know that beginning today, you're taking the steps toward a healthier lifestyle."

I won't list all the health benefits for losing 10 pounds here, but basically to sum them up... it means not having a heart attack, stroke, infertility, you know... DEATH.

For those of you interested in the Just 10 program, check out Dr. Oz' site, here.

Surviving other people's dirt weekends

This weekend was a challenge for me. I've often struggled with my relationship with food, and I use people as an excuse to celebrate and indulge (indulge meaning eating 1000s of calories without blinking an eye)

What? You have a birthday today? Let's eat cake!

You got a new job? Let's eat cheesecake!

Your cat used the cat box? Let's make cupcakes!

I could celebrate anything with food.

This weekend Philip and I visited with our two favorite people, my cousins Rick and Steve. Often when we've visited with them, I've used it as an opportunity to eat as much and as horrible as I want. It's a food-cation for me. So when we decided to go spend the night with them, I knew I was going to have to play it smart. While I know eventually I'll feel comfortable partaking in meals and days where I don't count calories, I can't afford to now. It's too early in the process for me, and my commitment to living a healthier lifestyle is to fragile to do anything to threaten that. This is too important.

So what did I do? Did I eat whatever I want? Or did I count calories? I'm happy to report, I counted calories. On Friday, Philip and I had recommended going to Fudruckers for dinner. After much research, and realizing Fudruckers does not put their nutritional info online, I finally found that they offered a Turkey Burger. win! AND they had a side salad I could get instead of fries. It was an expensive caloric meal, but I still came in under calories for the day.

This morning I asked to go to IHOP. IHOP has some healthy options on their menu. Again, I knew this before going. I knew exactly how many calories to plan for, and though it was a rich

breakfast, I could afford it nutritionally speaking. The option I chose was a 560 calorie breakfast that included blueberry harvest grain pancakes, bananas, and

egg substitute. Definitely yummy and went great with sugar free syrup. Try the sugar free syrup people. It's tasty.

To sum up the weekend, everything went well. I planned ahead, and knew what to eat and what to stay away from. I'm pretty proud that I survived my first weekend.

Next post.... weigh-in on Tuesday. Yikes.

Low-Calorie Brownies

I've always loved baking. Unfortunately, baking equals calories, fat, and carbs. Not a great combination for trying to lose weight, huh? With that being said, there are options and techniques you can use to cut the calories while enjoying baking. Everything in moderation, right? I present to you, Brownies!

Have your brownies, and eat them to.

What you'll need:

1 can of Diet Coke

1 Package of Brownie Mix (Pillsbury now makes a sugar free version)

Cookie Spray

Muffin Tin or 9X12 Baking Dish

Preheat oven according to package. In this case it was 350.

You'll need about 6 oz of diet soda.

Add soda to brownie package.

Stir. Will be exceptionally fizzy.

Grease your muffin tin or baking dish. Thanks to my husband, we've found that using a muffin tin is so much easier for baking brownies. They don't fall apart and they come out perfect. It was also helpful using the muffin tin to try and get consistent portions.

Pour batter into muffin tin. Will be lumpy.

Bake based on package directions. The instructions on the brownie package I have says 26 minutes, but I checked mine after 20 minutes and they were finished.

Enjoy! Approximately 90 calories per serving. That's with using sugar free brownie mix and diet coke. : )

Waffle French Toast

Yum.

*Editor's Note: First video produced on MacBook Pro. More to come, I'm sure!

Success!

Today I found the courage to weigh myself. We all knew this hour was coming, right? The ironic bit was Philip found a quarter on the ground as we walked into the mall. The last time I weighed myself was on the scale in the movie theater bathroom (which requires a quarter.) I felt like it was a spot where I could get the most accurate weight. That's how I got the 203 weigh in before. Since we weren't seeing a movie I opted to use the scale in the mall bathroom. Same set up, so I thought it would give me an accurate reading. I can't say the weight was accurate, the reading ended up differing from the scale we purchased today. So for further accuracy, I'll continue to use the one at home... .. so the results!

I lost 6.6 lbs!

I actually lost more according the scale at the mall, but as I mentioned I want to be consistent with my weigh ins, and from now on use the handy scale at home. So that's a loss of 6.6 over 10 days. I would have liked to have lost more, but at the very least this gives me some much needed encouragement and starts to chip away at my theory that I'm meant to be fat for life... or as I'm going to refer to it now as FFL. : )

*Editor's note: First blog entry on my new macbook pro.

Beginning Again

I guess introductions are in order. I did start a blog over at LiveJournal, but decided after seeing the abundance of advertisements that take over the page maybe I should plant myself on blogger. Years ago I had a LiveJournal account, which existed when there were no advertisements. I went today to update my journal, and had to wait for a bread advertisement to finish before I could write. Enough of my wining I suppose.

On January 5th, I started a new way of eating. Last year I downloaded myfitnesspal to my iPhone and periodically recorded my calorie intake. I wanted to do as little work as possible and didn't really research what I was doing and why I was choosing my calorie limit. I chose 1200 calories for each day, thinking that would help me lose weight quickly without any real effort towards exercise. It was sort of a failure. I didn't stick to the app at all, I didn't work out, and I often didn't add certain foods or condiments to the count since they were such small amounts. I stopped recording in October I think.

My husband got a job recently, which is a salaried position with benefits. This is what we've been waiting for to give us the green light to possibly have a baby. We haven't made any concrete decisions, but it's on the table as a topic to discuss further. I knew that I always wanted to be healthy before conceiving, and after weighing myself sometime in December I was horrified. I had noticed that some of my clothes were getting tighter, and I looked just horrible in Christmas pictures. I destroyed two pair of jeans by rubbing holes on the inseam from my thighs rubbing together. I weigh 203 lbs. That was it. I was disgusted.

On January 5th I started Graduate School and also made a new commitment to try eating healthy again. I read an article from a self-help guru, which can be found here... "How I lost 25lbs in 1 month."

Please note I'm not at all expecting to lose 25lbs in a month, but I thought Debra had some good advice. I did some research and found my BMR, and found what I should be eating if I want to be a healthy 136lbs. It's been kind of a weird realization that if I want to be a certain weight, maybe I should eat like that person would eat. Why didn't I think of that before?

So I did just want Debra suggested. I record EVERYTHING. The measuring cup has been a lifesaver. I record every drop of oil, every tablespoon of lite butter, every condiment. It has TOTALLY helped with holding myself accountable. I dusted off myfitnesspal, and started again keeping track of my daily activities. I haven't had a "dirt" day, and I even count calories on the weekends. I haven't yet, but in the future when I want to eat more calories in one day I'll eat less the day before.

On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday following class I go to the gym for at least 30 mins. The workouts have been slow going, mostly because I feel awkward and a little out of place being at the gym, but I'm more confident each time I go.

I have to believe this will work. Everyone tells you right - if you eat less and exercise you'll lose weight? I sure hope so. The voice in the back of my head keeps saying that I'm meant to be fat, and I'm not supposed to be skinny. To be honest, I've actually had people confirm that in the past, saying that I'll not ever be a size small or I'm just too curvy to ever be thin.

Le Sigh. The positive part of this is I'm finding that the end of the day I have plenty of calories left over and I'm never hungry. Maybe this weekend I'll weigh myself, but I have to tell you.. I'm terrified. If I've gained weight or not shed a pound I'll be so embarrassed, but I've got to make a change and this is it.